Weekly Insights: Reflecting One Another This Holiday Season...

Thanksgiving holiday was a beautiful celebration of gratitude and togetherness. Duality is unavoidable in all of our experiences, and a small challenge presented itself at our gathering. There was a guest at our party that triggered many of the other guests. This is what prompted me to meditate on this topic and write about it this week. When you get so many different kinds of people together in one space, it can bring out inner Truths, fears, and traumas. Here are some thoughts on this situation...

Some individuals like to put down others in order to bridge the gap between people, stating that by including them in their jokes, they are showing some kind of "respect" toward them. Other individuals feel that there is too much pain and suffering in the world to waste time indulging in negativity. They find ways to use humor to unite people together instead of poking fun at the differences. What we don't realize is that in both of these approaches we are all seeking the same basic needs of connection and Love, feelings of safety and security, and a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in this reality. We have all had different upbringings and experienced very different realities in our lives that have caused us to react in such different ways. How can we discover new ways to coexist when our approach to connection can be extremely polarizing?

Being brought up in a harsh environment where speaking and behaving roughly is equated to Love, can cause people to project that harshness onto others. They were never able to be vulnerable or show sensitivity or warmth, but instead have learned to use dark humor, teasing, and taunting to connect with the ones they care about the most. An armor of protection has been built around the heart that never had the chance to heal, and now that wound is projecting pain onto others. This behavior cycle makes it challenging to feel the pain of others or relate to the world in a more heart-centered way. It only knows how to connect through harm, and this is what keeps the cycle going from generation to generation. Hurt people only know how to hurt people, while healed hearts are more able to feel the pain of others and choose to offer a more compassionate way to relate to one another.

Oftentimes the person who is sensitive to others and their feelings, practices tolerance, and uses words to uplift and actions to create peace, is seen as weak. The exact opposite is true. They have taken the time to seek inner peace through heart healing, and they make it a point to connect with others consciously, kindly, and Lovingly. Forgiveness, acceptance, and positive change allow us to evolve from the hurt inner child to the wise and humbled adult. Each life lesson is a karmic journey that leads to a deeper understanding of Truth, and there is no right or wrong way to enter that portal. We just have to decide to look at our lives honestly and accept that there is both good and evil in the world, and that no one is exempt from pain and suffering in this lifetime. By forgiving and releasing the past, letting go of painful memories, and learning from those life experiences in order to shape the future consciously, we gradually become another candle that can help Light the way out of harm and into a higher frequency of being that is guided by Love.

Spiritual evolution is not attained by practicing yoga, deep breathing, meditating, or eating vegan. It is gained by applying these and other conscious practices to our lives, and doing the actual work of self-healing every day to move past the shadows inside and discover the strength of the Light within. There is no timeline for this process to manifest. Each of us has our own self-healing process that unlocks a deeper sense of awareness, compassion, and understanding. It is not fair to expect anyone to be at a certain place on their healing journey. In this Age of Truth, the old world and new world all exist at the same time. Each of us is entering this evolutionary transition at different rates, and we are all experiencing the dualities of the extremes in the material world daily.

We tend to be drawn to one another as a reminder of where we have been, where we are now, and where we are headed. The reflection that each of us offers one another is a lesson in itself. It gives us the invitation to connect with each other on a deeper and more real level. When someone's behavior is triggering, it is awakening something inside that still needs healing. Maybe this is a deep emotional wound, an outdated belief system, a hidden fear, an unhealthy boundary, or a desire to do or be something else, but it is a gift into the self no matter where it comes from. Our personal reaction to someone else's behavior tells a story of its own. All of the human qualities live inside of us. We express the ones that reflect where we are at the time. Observing oneself in another gives the perspective of the common struggle that we share as a humanity. We can understand the suffering of another, and we are able to gain more compassion when we take the time to observe things for what they are. This helps us to understand that the darkness inside evolves toward the Light by embracing the challenging parts of the self instead of rejecting them. Integrating the dualities inside of us helps us to find harmony and balance. We can be emotionally strong but sensitive at the same time, just like we can have tight boundaries but be completely transparent and open in how we relate to others. We don't have to be just one way or the other, but by finding harmony in the polarities and accepting one another for where we land on that spectrum, we can dissolve our misunderstandings and relate to one another as similar and not separate.

These parties and social situations can take us deep inside to decide who we want to be. It can bring up the cycles of pain, where the heart currently is on the healing journey, and if we are living as the beings that we want to be. If someone can trigger us into falling back into our old patterns of pain, then we have a new opportunity to evolve. I believe this reality is a big school of spiritual lessons, and that every situation is a doorway to a new lesson and opportunity to learn and grow. How can we use our most challenging relationships as catalysts for transformation? This is the blessing of the spiritual journey - it is teaching us in every situation and every way that we relate to the world around us. Instead of being upset that people are triggered, we can all step back and look at the situation as a blessing that reveals the inner work to be done, awaken the Light inside, challenge the mind to understand others, open the heart to be more compassionate, and unite the physical experiences we are having to the internal process of personal evolution. When we can take the high road and resist reacting to our challenges, so much can be gained both personally and collectively. At the same time, sometimes an ugly and reactive confrontation can break things up and allow for deep healing as well. We get to choose either way. No matter how different we seem, we have a lot more that binds us as One than separates us apart. All we have to do is choose what is most in alignment, and allow the soul to guide us toward our next lesson. Conscious choices and surrendering to our highest good are both daily practices that keep us learning, growing, and evolving.

As for the friend who stirred up some commotion on Thanksgiving, I am grateful that he came and that nothing really bad happened. He was a "shadow activator" or "karmic catalyst" that night. Maybe he rubbed some people the wrong way or made a little ass out of himself, but I am grateful for the deeper reflections he offered me this week. Blessings to all, no matter what happens in our social settings. We are all who we are and where we need to be for a reason. By trusting the process and choosing Love at every twist and turn, we can learn how to grow together on this cosmic journey of the heart.